Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
