What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
