oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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