You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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