Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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