? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Lo siento on account of my penis...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
