Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
