Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
