peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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