did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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