i would punch a child for taco bell
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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