I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
