two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
