No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
