Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
