a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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