Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
