i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
