Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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