But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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