Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
