Someone shit on the floor
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
