If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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