Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
