He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
