that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You did what with his pubic hair?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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