Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
