I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
