Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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