i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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