I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
