I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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