I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
try to milk me bitch
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