why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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