and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We don't watch enough power rangers
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
