Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
