Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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