I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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