I didn't shave. On purpose
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
