Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
