i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
