And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
