Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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