forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
