i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Randomize
