Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
