I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
