it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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