Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
