I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So vagazzling was a success
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
