So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
